PurpleMonsta
'The Passing Acquaintance'
Bobo the Monkey loves his robot love slave
Posts: 136
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Post by PurpleMonsta on Jan 16, 2003 22:59:32 GMT
11) Could be used to stop up rivers should there be excessive flooding.
I'll have a JD straight up please.
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Post by Collie on Jan 18, 2003 2:27:44 GMT
A Dam you mean then.
12 (Even I have given up trying to count) -
Superior Cricketing Bat.
Jimmy's Chin whacks balls for six everytime, providing correct stroke and timing is applied at the crucial time. Warning - Product will be useless in the hands of an Englishman.
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Post by Collie on Jan 18, 2003 2:36:48 GMT
13) Mobile Circus Venue.
Can't find a suitable venue for your fun circus? Look no further! Park your circus Big Top on a Giant Chin. Where it goes, your circus goes. (Note - No elephants are allowed on the Mobile Circus because Jimmy is fed up with having to wipe the shit off his chin.)
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Post by Alex H on Jan 18, 2003 11:29:29 GMT
14. Haven't got a hands-free phone? Use a strategically placed Jimmy Hill Giant Chin TM to rest your receiver upon and keep your hands free for those other all-important tasks. Other all-important tasks include:
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Post by Collie on Apr 30, 2003 1:03:27 GMT
After a couple of months closure, I am proud once more to bring joy to the several million keen observers of the Jimmy Hill's Chin forum, and furthermore, I present to you the fifteenth use of a Giant chin in this incredible and much lauded series.
#15 Pneumatic Drill Replacement: Each Giant Chin's drill action is second to none. Standard Giant Chin can out-perform many of today's more high tech varients. Just hold the plucky chin owner's ears, tweak their nose, and allow the swift and powerful chin drill action to commence. Works on concrete, re-inforced masonry materials, but especially jelly.
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Post by Obi on May 1, 2003 18:32:59 GMT
16) Cant afford an expensive workout-bench.. well here Jimmy Hills Giant Chin! Chuck Norris approved!
(Yes i did actually post OUTSIDE the general bollocks forum)
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Post by Collie on May 7, 2003 16:59:21 GMT
17) Air to Ground Bomb - Laser and satellite guided smart missiles and bombs may be effective at wiping out military targets, but the collateral damage they can cause can get right up the noses of do-gooder humanitarians and BBC reporters. Introducing the Giant Chin Air to Ground Bomb. When hovering over your target, drop the plucky giant chin out of your aircraft and let it's aero-dynamic shape cut through the air and hit enemy positions with an unearthly force. Destroys large enemy sand castles with virtually no shrapnel by-product. Send those dastardly foes back to their caves with the Giant Chin Air to Ground Bomb - just £99.95. Available at Homebase, B & Q and Snetterton Market.
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Post by Collie on May 10, 2003 2:51:21 GMT
18) Car Jack - Pretty self explanatory, just use the Giant Chin instead of a regular, and probably inferior car-jack.
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Post by Collie on Jun 5, 2003 0:55:04 GMT
19) Archeological Chisel. As used by the members of Channel 4's Time Team program, in a special DVD edition, entitled, 'Time Team : Ancient Burial Grounds and Chins'. Unearths historical relics with the minimum of fuss. Damages minimal when compared to using more clumbersome tools, such as clawhammers.
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Post by Collie on Jun 20, 2003 17:41:25 GMT
Number 20: 'Battering Ram'.
Recreate medieval sieges in style, with the 'Giant Chin Battering Ram'. Knocks down castle doors with ease.
Product Features:
Swift and powerful battering action when applied correctly.
Water-proof material.
Warning!
- Does not work on concrete walls, only wooden doors.
- Boiling Oil and lead dropped from the parapets of the besieged fortress will cause irreversible damage, and possibly death to the owner of the giant chin.
- Not to be used by anyone under the age of 9.
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Post by Collie on Jul 13, 2003 3:50:48 GMT
Number 21 - Giant-sized Paint Brush (Requires chin-beard attachment)
It's not all 'fee fi fo fum, I smell the bones of an Englishman.../lets eat a midget' when it comes to the favourite past-times of the exceptionally large sized Giants of the world; an increasing number of them like to pursue art, inspired by the recent broadcasting of 'Water Colour Challenge' on the Giant TV network. Unfortunately for these Van Goghs of the Giant world, acquiring suitable paintbrushes has proved troublesome, especially as QVC refuse to deliver up beanstalks. This has left them frustrated but the solution is here...
Introducing the Giant Chin Paintbrush, designed for the Giant artists of the world. The wiry bristles of the chin's beard are perfectly suited to the job of applying paint to the giant sized canvas, and as a bonus, they're also great for clearing out a Giant's ear wax (use number 22).
There's no better paint brush for a Giant than a bearded Giant chin. Available at all good art shops and TV shopping channels, except QVC.
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Post by Collie on Jul 16, 2003 16:23:01 GMT
Use Number 23 in this 'how the hell are we possibly going to think of 101 ideas when we can't even get past the twenties' series.......
Shoe Scraper - Just the ticket for getting mud, dog shit and to a limited extent, chewing gum off the soles of your shoes.
Number 24 - Mobile Crane : Attach a series sturdy chains/ropes/industrial strength cables to the chin, and you got yourself a perfectly useable crane device.
Number 25 - A moderately useful bridge. Lifting the chin allows boats to pass, before the chin is lowered again and traffic can pass across the chin once more.
Number 26 - Javelin. As used by Tessa Sanderson in the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games, during an unaired practice session when she mistook Jimmy Hill's chin for her Javelin and launched him 25 metres across the green, spearing a judge in the eye. (Which is the 27th use of a giant chin, spearing judges in the eye).
Number 28 - Entertaining adult female genitalia stimulation device. AKA 'dildo'. Giant chins reach that elusive G-Spot with ease.
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Post by Collie on Jul 16, 2003 16:45:17 GMT
Aha, a bit of fresh air and I've been hit with a flurry of ideas!
Use of a Giant Chin number 29 - Door-stop
Number 30 - Rolling Pin
Number 31 - Pogo Stick (Just add springs). Bounce around in style, be the envy of all your non-existant mates.
Number 32 - Hole Puncher (Requires siamese twin model, or another giant chin stuck together with strong adhesive.)
Number 33 - Mobile Bill-board. Excellent way to make money from your giant chin whilst on the move. Allow corporations to plaster your spacious chin area with their logos and untold fortune could be yours.
Number 34 - Surrogate Hair Grower. For those men (or heavy bearded ladies) with giant chins. Be charitable to the follicly challenged, by growing your chin beard to extraordinary lengths, and then cutting it off to be sold to those fat, balding middle-aged men, who are so desperate to hold on to their ever diminishing dignity and loose, money grabbing superficial, 'Sex in the City' inspired wives, that they require hair transplants, yet haven't got the body hair to spare. Clean out their wallets by growing your chin beards. Another inspired genius money making scheme by myself.
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Post by Collie on Jul 25, 2003 22:40:26 GMT
Use number 35: Evel Knievel Stunt Ramp
Use number 36: Toilet Brush (requires beard attachment)
Use number 37: Pinball Plunger
Just 64 to go. I will get there, just you wait and see.
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I was misled by Alex H
Guest
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Post by I was misled by Alex H on Jul 26, 2003 22:17:15 GMT
Rich Tea Biscuits!? Where are they, damnit!?
38th use for a Jimmy Hill Giant ChinTM: A managers bench at a football match. Manager gets tired walking about on the side of the pitch? All this is sorted: Jimmy sits in the dugout, and his chin acts as a perfectly suitable bench for said manager. Jimmy also walks along the side of the pitch at managers request. But even a Jimmy Hill Giant ChinTM can't withstand the weight of Ron Atkinson's fat ass and jewellery (bling, bling).
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