Glasweigan Rhapsody

[Heartless]

I stole this from another site that i frequent!
Thought it was funny!


Is this the real life?
Is it just methadone?
Stuck in Govan.
Gies two bob fur the telephone.
Open yer wine an talk wi a whine like me.
Um jist a Weegie, gies us yer Sunny D.
Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer Da.
Slash yer dug, ride yer Ma!
Any way the Clyde flows disnae really matter tae me..tae me.

Haw maw, jist chibbed some bam
Buckie boattle tae the heid.
Noo the bastards deid!
Haw maw, um jist oan parole.
An noo ahm headin straight back tae Bar-L.
Haw maw, ooh oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse.
But if ahm no fu' o' smack this time the morra.
Carry oot, carry oot!
An we'll go oot oan the batter!

Too late, the bailiffs here.
Sends shivers doon ma spine.
Gubbed 10 jeellies jist in time.
Goodbye all ma muckers, ah've got tae go.
Got tae go and rip some wank fae up the scheme.
Haw maw, ooh oohooh ooh.
Ahm a jakey bam. Ah sometimes think ah've never been waashed at all.
I sse a little sillohetto of a bam,
Adidas! Adidas!
Can ye get us a Kergo!
Thuderbird, White Lightening, very very frightening to me!
Twenty Mayfair, twenty Mayfair, twenty Mayfair, and some skins.
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
Ahm jist a vat boay, nae cunt likes me.
He's jist a vat boay, fae a vat family!
Spare us a poun' fur a wee cup o tea?

Get tae fuck, skanky slob, will ye get a joab?
For fucksake, naw ah willnae get a joab!- Get a joab
For fucksake, ah willnae get a joab!- Get a joab!
For fucksake, will you get a joab?- Get a joab?
Willnae get a joab, get a joab!
Willnae get a joab, get a joab!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh Gonorrhea!, Gonorrhea!,Gonorrhea!, and the clap!
Then doon the pub, tae see if the barmans put aside fur me?
Fur me, fur meeeeeee!?
So you hink ye can slash me, and pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me, an leave me here tae die?
Haw bawbag, cannae dae this tae me bawbag!
Jist wait till ahm oot, jist till ahm right oot ma nut!
Fuck all really matters.
Any cunt can see
Fuck all really matters, fuck all really matters tae me!

[sofi]

im sure id understand it if it was in propper english but i got a D in languages so hmmm...

[Collie]

Jings!  Help m'boab! Wit a carry on. And pur Quincy, he hasnae had tae work harder in a' his life.  Was braw tho' lassie.  O' Aye.

[Heartless]

Yes Quite!

[sofi]

oh dear lord,this is worse than when the board turned french!

[Baxter]

I'm half scottish and i had no idea what was going on. Mind that doesn't mean i would seeing as I've lived in the deepest darkest place of surrey for my whole live

[bonni]

i leave for a weekend and return to find that the board has gone completely bonkers! i dont understand    

if anyone knows where to buy liquorice torpedos id really appreciate bein told as bristol seems to have munched all of theirs!

and has anyone else seen the mini rolos ad where the ickle blonde barbie knees robbie in the boy parts? ...........

once again i fail to be understood............  

[Baxter]

yes I can answer all your questions! you can those torpedoes from a place called Marks and Spencers in their little foody bit and the little rolos are avaible from any good newsagents

[bonni]

are the rolo things as cute as they look?
is it worth me buying a packet just to "awwww" at?

you talk about marks and spencers as if its a magical, unknown place....................


last time i looked it wasnt so magical!

[Baxter]

Marks Spencers is magical the retailers of quality low priced food and nice jumpers. I ate all of my rolos so i didn't get much awwing time

[bonni]

did you eat them carefully so that they knew they were appreciated or did you scoff them?

[Baxter]

Now this may sound rude but I scoffed them all down in one go. I can get 3 whole cream eggs in my mouth at once you know  8)

[bonni]

what??

i refuse to believe that anyones mouth can be that big!